Worse than Vegetarian

What's more insufferable than a self-righteous vegetarian?  A non-vegetarian that will only eat meat from animals raised and slaughtered in a particular, arcane, and expensive way.  Some people want no antibiotics in their meat, others want grass-fed meat, others want "organic" meat.  Some need fatty goose-liver imported from special farms in France, and others need fatty beef steaks imported from special farms in Japan. These people can turn any enjoyable potluck into a tense hunger-strike standoff.

Some people need the animal's trachea, oesophagus, carotid arteries, and jugular veins to have been severed in one smooth movement with a "chalef."  But, such demands are less awkward because it's been a religious requirement for thousands of years.  Also, the group has become well-established in the USA since they really started immigrating in the late 1800s, so it's okay.

However, consider a guest at your home-cooked dinner that may be willing to eat meat... but only if  convinced that the animal was not "mistreated by humans," and had a relatively "good life"!  This spoilsport doesn't just neglect the host's painstakingly prepared veal roast, but also hops on a soapbox and dissapears the deliciously marinated morsels on the table, replacing them with the cadaver of a torture victim.

What a crass jerk.  Don't be that guy.

Wait.  I am that guy.

Ah, well.  Check out Certified Humane's website.  News Update: I'm eating meat now of the following categories

• Store-bought with Certified Humane sticker
• Wild-hunted venison, rural squirrel etc. Health standards apply.
• Chicken raised wandering around backyards and smallholder farms.

Bon Appetit!